1.  Javanka’s Kids Left School After Parents Complained: Report

 COVID BUST UP 

The Rose Garden superspreader event was apparently the last straw for parents.

2.  Newspaper Backed by GOP Megadonor Tells Trump to Give It Up

  LOSER 

“(Trump) does a disservice to his more rabid supporters by insisting that he would have won the Nov. 3 election absent voter fraud,” an editorial in the Trump-endorsing paper read.

3.  Sore Legs From Sitting All Day? These Socks May Help.

 AD BY COMRAD 

Comrad’s compression socks strike the perfect balance between style, price, benefits, and comfort.

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4.  Trump Went Apesh*t on FDA Chief After Vaccine News: Report

 HAIR TRIGGER 

President reportedly flew into a rage on hearing the news, and saw it as further evidence that he was somehow screwed out of election victory.

5.  GA Sec. of State’s Wife Gets COVID-19 Amid Election Recount

 INTO QUARANTINE YOU GO 

Brad Raffensperger’s last appearance was at a Wednesday news conference where he was surrounded by county election officials and reporters.

6.  This One Item Helped Me Finally Relieve My Chronic Neck Pain

 HURTS SO GOOD 

You’ll never again have to awkwardly ask a friend to give you a neck massage

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7.  Viral Vid Shows COVID Patient Dead in Italian ER Bathroom

 DISGRACEFUL 

The video of a COVID patient found dead in a Naples hospital bathroom is only the beginning of how bad things are getting in southern Italy.

8.  Colorado Jail Didn’t Even Give Inmates Masks Until Outbreak

 ‘MINDBOGGLING’ 

The El Paso County Sheriff has also refused to enforce mask mandates.

9.  Wisconsin’s COVID Surge Required Whole New State Category

 OFF THE CHARTS 

“To put these new data in perspective, Wisconsin is now seeing more average cases per day than New York City did at the peak of its surge last spring,” said a state official.

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10.  Passenger Gets COVID Aboard 1st Caribbean Cruise Since March

 PARTY’S OVER 

An announcement from the ship’s captain sent passengers and crew scrambling to isolate.

11.  Oh Great, Chris Brown Is on OnlyFans Now

  YIKES 

Just what 2020 needed.

12.  Amber Alert Suspect Killed by Cops After Shooting 2 People

 END OF A VIOLENT CHASE 

Brandon Milburn was killed by police after a search that began Tuesday and ended early Thursday morning. He allegedly murdered the mother of his child and a carjacking victim.

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13.  Reps Tell Biden: Defense Pick Can’t Be Tied to Contractors

 NO GO 

Progressive Dems, in open letter, warn against nominees like Michele Flournoy and Jeh Johnson, who both served on boards for defense industry giants.

14.  Obama Book: Trump Happened Because I ‘Spooked’ Racist Voters

 ‘DARK SPIRITS’ 

In his new memoir “A Promised Land,” Obama wrote about how he’s wrestled with the notion that his historic success in 2008 helped unleash a wave of racism in America.

15.  Trump to ‘Use Vote Rallies’ to Set Up Own Digital Channel

 WORLD WIDE WHINE 

According to Axios, Trump is planning to launch a digital media channel in an effort to obliterate Fox News.

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