1.  Biden Insists ‘Jury System Works’ After Rittenhouse Verdict

 WEIGHING IN 

“I stand by what the jury has to say,” the president told reporters on Friday.

2.  Fox Host Throws Tantrum When Asked About Fox’s Vaccine Rules

  ‘MELTDOWN’ 

“I’m not interested in answering your question,” the MAGA firebrand scowled in response to a simple inquiry about who won the 2020 election.

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3.  Looking for Life Insurance? This Startup Is Here to Help

 AD BY HAVEN LIFE INSURANCE AGENCY 

Haven Life Insurance Agency offers a simple way to buy dependable term life insurance online.

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4.  Trump Drops $230 Picture Book to Fleece Dumbasses for Xmas

 NO BIGLY WORDS 

The former president’s website proudly states that he wrote some of the captions all by himself.

5.  Wisconsin Guv Urges ‘Peace’ After Rittenhouse Acquittal

 ‘TRAUMA’ 

“No ruling today changes our reality in Wisconsin,” Tony Evers said.

6.  This Hair Dryer Brush Gives You a Fast Salon-Level Blowout

 BLOWN AWAY 

The Revlon One-Step Hair Dryer and Volumizer lets you style hair on Monday and forget about it until Friday.

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7.  First Woman to Hold Presidential Power Hands It Back

 FEELING GOOD 

On the eve of his 79th birthday, President Joe Biden on Friday briefly transferred power to Vice President Kamala Harris while he was under anesthesia for a routine colonoscopy.

8.  AOC Ridicules ‘Evil Imbecile’ McCarthy During 8-Hour Speech

 ‘GIVE US SOME PIZZAZZ’ 

Overnight, the House minority leader delivered the longest ever speech from the House floor.

9.  Fla. Prison Guards ‘Openly Tout’ White Supremacist Ties: AP

 INHUMANE 

“I feel like a Jew in a consetration [sic] camp,” one inmate wrote in a letter reporting two recent attacks.

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10.  FDA Finally Clears Moderna, Pfizer Boosters for U.S. Adults

 TAKE YOUR SHOT 

Several states pre-empted the FDA’s approval and had already opened up boosters for everyone 18 and up in the past week.

11.  Ex-College Prof Indicted for Setting Blazes Near Dixie Fire

  WATCHING THE WORLD BURN 

Gary Stephen Maynard allegedly set four wildfires that threatened to trap firefighters battling the massive Dixie Fire this summer.

12.  Cryptocurrency Bid Loses as U.S. Constitution Sells for $41M

 COLLECTOR'S EDITION 

The group raised more than $43 million from more than 15,000 donors, but lost out to a private buyer.

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13.  New FBI Probe of Jimmy Hoffa’s Death Leads to N.J. Landfill

 ‘THIS CASE HAS TO BE SOLVED’ 

The FBI is searching the site after a worker made a deathbed confession about burying the Teamster boss in a steel drum there.

14.  Caged Rioter Begs for Release to Get Away From Other Rioters

 BAD COMPANY 

Robert Gieswein was seen wielding a baseball bat at the Capitol riot.

15.  Kamala’s Comms Director Is Headed for the Exits: Report

 OUT THE DOOR 

Ashley Etienne transitioned from the Biden campaign to Harris’ office, where some said she fumbled the veep’s messaging.

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