1.  Colin Powell Is Dead—and Donald Trump Is Insanely Jealous

 ‘HOPE THAT HAPPENS TO ME SOMEDAY’ 

In a fundraising email to supporters, the former president complained about the “beautiful” media coverage for the former secretary of state.

2.  10-Year-Old Black Girl Handcuffed at School Over a Drawing

  ‘TRAUMATIZING ACTIONS’ 

The ACLU is demanding reform and $500,000 in damages after the girl was arrested at a Hawaii school for drawing an “offensive sketch” of a bully.

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3.  This Club Saves Hundreds on Cosmetics, and Now It’s Free

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4.  Trumpist Senators ‘Hid From Colleagues in Closet’ on Jan. 6

 LOCK US UP  

Sen. Tommy Tuberville recounted hiding in a storage closet with around a dozen colleagues.

5.  ‘Second American Revolution’: Ex-Cop Charged in Jan. 6 Riot

 FLORIDA MAN 

Julio Cesar Chang, a former Marine and sheriff’s lieutenant, was arrested Tuesday, according to court filings.

6.  These Personalizable Gifts Are as Thoughtful as It Gets

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7.  Joel Embiid Is Done Babysitting 76ers’ Teammate Ben Simmons

 OVER IT 

“At this point, I don’t care about that man,” he said after Simmons was thrown out of practice and suspended from the season opener.

8.  Homeland Security Boss Alejandro Mayorkas Contracts COVID

 HANG IN THERE 

A spokesperson said Mayorkas, who is fully vaccinated, is experiencing only mild congestion.

9.  Trump Claims He Was ‘Surprised’ Supporters Attacked Capitol

 GASP 

In a new book, the former president also insisted that if he’d been at the scene, “I would have stopped the people from doing anything bad.”

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10.  Top Brass Botched Response to Ship Fire Set by Angry Sailor

 GETTING BURNT 

In a more than 400-page report, three dozen sailors and officers were cited for either “directly” or “indirectly” contributing to the loss of the ship.

11.  FBI Raids Russian Billionaire Oleg Deripaska’s D.C. Mansion

  ‘COURT AUTHORIZED’ 

“The FBI is conducting court-authorized law enforcement activity at that location,” a spokesperson told The Daily Beast.

12.  ‘Survivor’ Contestant Stabbed Outside Pilates Class

 SURVIVED 

Michelle Yi said she was about to teach her early-morning class when she noticed a “disheveled and agitated woman” lurking outside the studio.

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13.  Judge Shuts Down Husband Who Demanded Ivermectin for Wife

 ‘NO RIGHT’ 

“There is no right, constitutional or otherwise, of a patient to substitute one’s judgment for a medical professional,” said the judge.

14.  Haiti Gang Demanding $1M in Ransom for 8-Month-Old U.S. Baby

 HORROR 

According to a Haitian official, the 400 Mawozo gang is asking for a total of $17 million for each of the hostages.

15.  Queen Elizabeth Politely Declines ‘Oldie of the Year’ Award

 WE ARE NOT AMUSED 

Despite the queen’s response, the ‘Oldies’ ceremony got the royal seal of approval, with Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, handing out a number of awards.

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